Proper Etiquette: Eating a Banana

Step 1. Have an adult break the banana into bite-sized pieces. (This is only mildly important. If the pieces are too big, just leave a little on your face. No one will notice.)

Step 2. Reach for it, using only your forefinger and thumb.

Step 3: Shove it into your mouth. This part can get tricky, so I’ve listed a few techniques that seem to work most of the time.

I call this the the flat-hand.

If you think you might have lost it, put each finger in your mouth. You’re bound to find it.

If you do start to lose it, just poke it back in.

This technique works particularly well with bananas and other foods of the slimy variety. Put it in your fist and squeeze. It will pop right out.

Step 4: If one drops, claim innocent.

Step 5: Be sure to chew with your mouth closed.

Step 6: No need to be serious. Have a little fun with it.

Step 7: Look at your mom and say, “what now?”