Dad's Funeral

There's no way I could possibly put in to words how I feel about the passing of my dad. He was one of my very best friends and I will miss him always. 

However, going home for the funeral will probably always remain one of my very favorite family memories. It was a sweet time, surrounded by family, God's love, and many many angels, from both sides of the veil. All of us were able to come home, most for a full week. I loved spending so much quality time with all of them. I come from good stock, no doubt. 

My mom wanted the five of us to give the life sketch at the funeral. And the in-laws were gracious enough to let us go out to dinner together one night. We ate sushi (no sushi left behind, dad!), told stories, filled in some details from mom, laughed, cried, laughed some more, cried some more (maybe we shouldn't have gone out in public!), and laid out the outline of our talk.

We then went home, and for the next two days, holed up in the office, wrote our talk.

I won't write too much more about the funeral, except that it was beautiful.  

A few, who were unable to make it, have asked for our talk, so here it is: 

(Warning: it's long!)

Kristen

It is our privilege to speak to you today about our Dad.  As you look around the room, you can tell he was a special man that touched a lot of lives.  We appreciate your love and support at this time.

Donald Anthony Secor was born on January 7, 1956 to Dorothy and Peter Secor at Saint Luke’s Hospital in Pasadena.  As a child, Dad loved sports!  He played every sport from whiffle ball, to basketball, Little League, to golf; he loved them all. He loved to play them, he loved to watch them.  If Dad was ever missing, you knew to look for him at Bonita Gardens, where he was an Over the Line Champion!  In many aspects of his life- and sports were no different- he studied the best to be the best. His heroes were: Hank Aaron, Pete Maravich, Roman Gabriel, Larry Bird and his love for Jerry West led to his nickname “Zeke.” His passion of horse racing started young as well, one of his favorite things to do was to sit on the infield at Santa Anita Race Track with his Gramma and Gramps. He loved the hustle and bustle of being at the track. You never bet on the favorite!

When he was four years old, Dad became a brother. Dad and Donna looked out for each other. Dad was color-blind, so every morning he would get dressed, wake Donna up, and ask “Do I match? Do I look alright?” And anyone who knows Dad knows he always matched and looked alright.  One time, when Gram was going out of town for the weekend, she asked Dad if he would be able to watch Donna.  He assured her that he could, and to enjoy the weekend.  Gram came home to find out that Donna had been very sick, but instead of calling Gram to come home from her trip, Dad had cared for and cleaned up after his little sister all weekend. 

We don't want to give you the wrong idea of Dad.  He was also a little rascal!  One of our favorite stories that we love to hear him tell, was when he was around 10, he splattered ketchup all over his shirt and the side walk, and laid down so that crossing traffic would assume he was wounded!  After a few cars slowly passed, Dad heard sirens coming and bolted home!  Worried he would be busted, Dad tried to flush the evidence down the toilet but clogged the toilet instead while flooding the apartment.  When the police knocked on the door, he knew nothing about the incident! 

Being raised by a single mom, dad had to grow up at an early age. When he was 14, Dad had his first job at Leven Oaks as a dishwasher.  He was paid a dollar fifty an hour… and all the alcohol he could drink! Although, apparently, he only cashed in on that offer once, it made for a fun bike ride home.  By the time he was 16, Dad had saved up enough money to buy his first car.  A ’66 Mustang Convertible with a rag top- The beginning of Dad’s cool car collection. 

High school was a really fun time for dad. He loved to play basketball!  But his favorite was to spend his “sixth period” at the Santa Anita Race Track.  All minors must be accompanied by an adult, so Dad and his friends would start talking to strangers in the parking lot so that he could slide in with them!

The fall of his Junior year, Dad was baptized as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. This is an important day because this is also the day he met Mom.  Shortly after, Mom and Dad had their first date at Mormon Night at Disneyland, which began their love story.  They dated throughout high school and Dad always gave Mom a dozen yellow roses for her birthday.  When Dad received his mission call to Brisbane Australia, he always joked that when you are dating the Bishop’s daughter, you get a mission call halfway across the world. So to make sure she remembered him, he left money with her sister to buy yellow roses in his place for two years. It worked! They were married in the Los Angeles Temple on November 4, 1978. 

His conversion to the Church did not end with his mission.  He showed his commitment to God, by serving in the Church the only way he knew how- 100%.  Dad served in bishoprics and high councils, was a Sunday School teacher, delivered monthly pies as a home teacher, and lead Den Meetings as Cub Scouts Master.  Dad was so excited for and proud of his sons to serve missions.  He wrote every week and always included a $20 bill.  It always ended in typical Dad fashion, “work harder.”

Jimmy

Anyone who knows Dad can attest to his work ethic. Five years ago, when I was looking for a job, Dad flew me down to spend two days interviewing with all the sales managers in Southern California.  And even though we had tee times or wanted to have fun, Dad drove me all over the valley. It was some of the most invaluable time, long hours in the car where I saw firsthand Dad’s work life. With every manager I spoke with, they all said the same thing: They don't know anyone that works as hard as Dad in the industry and they always enjoy the time that they spent with him.  During that drive, Dad told me about his start in the industry. When Dad was selling operating room lights, for ALM, he knew the direction he wanted his career to take and that he wanted to work for a guy named Rich Cadarette, whom he had researched and found to be the best. And although Rich did not have any open positions, Dad called him every Wednesday for six months until Rich figured, he better create a position or this guy was not going to stop calling him. 

One time when I was in high school, Dad asked me to go on a sales call with him. This was his first meeting with this doctor and, in typical, “Cordial Don” fashion, He wanted to be prepared. Dad sent me on all kinds of errands, I stocked a cooler full of every type of soda, I bought every kind of Subway sandwich, and met Dad on a rooftop parking lot at USC. We waited for four hours to meet with this doctor. Dad never gave up. Finally, the doctor showed up, took one sandwich and one drink, listened to his five-minute presentation, and then left.  Dad had been preparing for those five minutes for weeks. He would never be unprepared for a meeting. 

In the twenty seven years that followed, that same persistent guy that called Rich every Wednesday would win countless Salesman of the Year awards, Director of Sales awards, and Quota Achiever awards. In fact, in 2004, Zimmer announced an incentive to buy a Hummer for the top Salesman of the Year. And his “have a plan, work your plan” mentality, earned him a car that year. Dad built his career on hard work, passion, and drive.

Dad was a top achiever wherever he worked: Decor Concepts, ALM, InterMed, Zimmer, and Smith and Nephew.  His work ethic was something he made sure he passed down to his children. Monthly, we would have Mandatory Saturday Work days with personalized, typed out agendas for each of us.  Items would include, but not be limited to: Make your bed, weed, wash the car (good joke, go to Faschings Car Wash), mow the lawn, water the cement, wash windows, vacuum, and “pick-up and move the house three inches to the left.” Most people would find it surprising that these work days were so much fun. It was a day we looked forward to, because dad had a way of making work fun. We worked hard, we did it right, and we always ended with donuts. 

A lot of people believe in the mentality, work hard, play hard. Dad didn’t separate the two. He brought his fun and big personality to work with him everyday. A couple of summers during high school, Lauren worked for some of his doctors. She remembers how fun it was when dad would come into the office. She always knew when he was there. He was loud, and fun, and everyone wanted to be around him and perform their best. He just exuded joy and energy every where he went.

Not everyone could be Don Secor, but even he had to work at being Don Secor. He read countless sales and self-help books, he went to seminars and studied Tony Robbins, Brian Tracy, and Dale Carnegie. In fact, I read a Brian Tracy Sales book this past year and loved it. I texted Dad to see if he had read it, and his reply was, “Are you serious?!”  He could have written How to Win Friends and Influence People. But he still read it over and over.  Some kids have to earn their Eagle Scout before they can get their license, we had to read How to Win Friends and Influence People. And then write a report on it.

We learned that there was joy in a job well done.

Lauren

Although his office was covered in awards, dad would tell you that his greatest work, was his family.  When Mom and Dad got married, they sat down and talked about what kind of family they wanted to have. They wanted us to be close and supportive of each other. A theme we always knew was: Secors support Secors. With five children, it could not have been easy to juggle all the activities. But Mom and Dad made it a priority.  We all went to everything and we all got snacks. Whether it was a ballet recital, youth basketball game, golf match, or a half marathon in Utah, we were all there. And we didn’t just show up at championship games, we were there all season long. The tight knit family that they had hoped for was achieved. And there was always room for one more. Our friends felt like family in our home. 

For Mom’s 50th birthday, Dad sent Mom and her sisters to San Francisco for the weekend while we, unknown to her, redecorated her bedroom! We spent four days stripping wall paper, painting, and decorating! And we could not wait for Mom to come home and see the surprise we had for her! This was typical of Dad, he loved to spoil and surprise! And I’m pretty sure this is the only successful surprise he ever kept! For Christmas, he would call all of us for gift ideas or look up the coolest new trend and was so eager to give it to Mom, it never even made it to Christmas morning. He also knew how hard the first day of school was for her, so every year he sent her a bouquet of flowers.  After chaperoning a week long youth camp, Mom came home to ice cold Coke, See’s candy, and flowers.  When Mom would run to the store or have a quick errand, the second she walked out the door, Dad would say, ‘let’s hurry and clean up real quick’ so Mom would come home to a clean house! Dad always acknowledged that they were a team and that raising us five fabulous kids wasn’t as easy as she tried to make it seem.  He made sure we loved, respected, and appreciated Mom!

And he was that way with all of us. Our home was filled with love. Dad ran a tight ship but we always knew he had our backs. Hypothetically speaking, if any of us were to have gotten a speeding ticket, or have gotten into a car accident the week he bought us the car, and hypothetically, if we would have been scared to call him, then his hypothetical response might have been, “I’m glad you're safe. That’s what’s most important. I love you!” But there is no way we could know that for sure. 

Dad was a fun Dad, and life was an adventure. He had silly songs for holidays, and would always tease us with games like, “How would you order a hot dog in New York using an Australian accent or how to order a pizza in Nashville using a Russian accent?”  He would brag about his Olympic gold medals, especially the ones in figure skating and synchronized diving. He would often try to get us to jump in the freezing cold pool in the winter, although I think his only taker was Kristen one Thanksgiving morning, earning her $100.  We had lots of nicknames for him and he was a good sport, even, and maybe especially, when he was the butt of the joke!

One thing that he loved to do was to chase fire trucks.  He had a police scanner in his car, and we had fire hats under our seats.  We would listen for calls in our area and chase the excitement. Turns out, not every family does that! And even this past year, at the sound of a siren coming up Lone Hill, Dad would hop in his car! There was always laughter in our home. 

Time with Dad included food! In the days even before Yelp, Dad knew every restaurant in LA, from fine dining to hole in the walls. From Armenian pizzas to Pinks hot dogs to JB’s BBQ in Watts. There was no drive too long for a good meal so it was not uncommon to spend a couple hours in the car each way. It was his goal that his children be comfortable with trying new foods, eat with their mouths closed, and exercise proper etiquette, Many of life’s lessons were taught at the dinner table.

Matt

Dad spent a lot of time with us, doing the things we loved to do!  He would drive the cart while I golfed. He would rebound for Jimmy for hours.  He would drive hours for golf lessons with Thomas.  And he even took on the challenge of teaching the girls how to not shoot like a girl.  Dad was an excellent coach.  It was important to teach the fundamentals of the game but would have us play little games to keep it fun. Such as, getting a large bucket of golf balls and not hitting them with the same club twice in a row. Dad would play shooting free-throw games, like how many you can make out of ten and then turn the lights off and make us shoot again. He led the Celtics and Lady Celtics to many city finals.  And the night before golf matches, Dad would sit down with Thomas or myself and go over the golf course to strategize a game plan.  And he would always wake us up on Saturday mornings yelling, “Game day! Game Day! Game Day!”  There would be a sign on my door that says GAMEDAY! then go downstairs and there would be a sign on the fridge that said GAMEDAY! Win or lose, game days were always fun! But let me tell you, they were more fun when we won!

         We cherish a lot of memories of Dad and sports.  Some of our favorites were when our Green team was playing their Red team, which happen to be the two colors our color blind Dad can’t see and so he ran out on the court, saying, “stop the game!” to have us switch jerseys so he could tell which team was his. Or when we’d drive down to USC to watch the Trojans at the Coliseum. Dad didn’t take his friends to these things, he took his sons.  We would miss school to go to the LA Open.  We’ve been to multiple Rose Bowl games with him. And when we showed up to watch Jimmy’s first game on the Glendora High School Varsity basketball team and we were the first people there by an hour!  Dad loved sports and was so excited, we had no choice but to love them too!

         And he showed up on Gameday!! At golf courses that didn’t allow spectators, Dad would be peeking through bushes or watching from nearby streets through binoculars. In my Senior yearbook, there is a picture of me playing golf with Dad in the background. My coach said, “I’m so glad that this picture is in there! He is the only parent that came to every match!”  He went to every one of Lauren’s ballet recitals. Even when it wasn’t a sport he knew, he was our fan!  A few years ago when Lauren decided to start running, Dad took her to LuLuLemon to buy a new outfit! Because we were also the best dressed person in any athletic situation! What mattered to us, mattered to him!

And his attendance wasn’t just limited to his children. He would support our friends and our cousins too.  Dad packed us up to drive to San Diego to watch college baseball games, or down to Long Beach to watch water polo State Championships, or we were season ticket holders to UCLA football; all to support our family and friends. Dad made you feel like you were the superstar of the team!

Thomas

On March 19, 2008 with the birth of Ethan and Kate, Dad became Gramps.  He loved being Gramps and his eleven grandchildren loved him! When grandkids were visiting, as long as they could walk on their own then he would take them for Saturday Morning Donuts.  He would drive crazy on the way there, and even had a button in his car that would make them fly!  If they had gone with their Mom, they could only get one donut and had to eat fruit, but with Gramps they could get three donuts and a Sunny D! 

He continued the tradition of going to the Santa Anita Race Track with gramps. He taught the kids how to golf and how to water the cement.  But Gramps didn’t just love them when it was easy or fun.  During one of Lauren’s visits home, Mom had the flu.  So Dad took it upon himself to take the kids shopping, buy legos, and then sit on the floor for hours putting them together with them.  Or when William had to have skull surgery at two months old, Mom and Dad flew to Utah, Mom stayed with Lincoln and Dad sat with us at the hospital all day. 

Each grandchild would tell you that they are Gramps’ favorite, that they were his best buddy!  Dad had a special way of making everyone feel like a million bucks. 

The rest of Thomas’ remarks were mostly ad lib. Which is great, because it was perfect and beautiful, but sad because we don’t have the text. Here are his notes:

Hopefully you can tell from the stories we’ve shared today that he was a big guy, with a big heart, and a larger than life personality. He loved life. He loved his life.

Dad’s legacy does not end when I sit down. We are his legacy.  And although this is hard and sad, it would be worse if we wasted the lessons that he taught us. So we will not let that happen and we will prove it by how we live our lives, teach our children and treat others.

He was a fighter, to the end.

He taught us God’s plan is a Plan of Happiness!